“Certainly I will go with you,” said Deborah. “But because of the course you are taking, the honor will not be yours, for the Lord will deliver Sisera into the hands of a woman.” – Judges 4:9

“She’s smart and cool and confident. Her eloquence significant. She’s not bossy. She’s the boss! She’s a natural leader of any pack…She’s not bossy, She’s the boss!” I quickly grabbed the remote and pressed rewind. As I sat listening again to the song playing on the show my three year old was watching it made me think…

Growing up I can recall on more than one occasion being called bossy. And I am sure I was at times in fact being bossy. But there are a few times that stand out above the rest, mostly because of how those words made me feel. Hurt.

One time in particular stands out. I was a part of a group in high school and we were asked to come up with some theme ideas for this years year book. We sat and sat and sat in complete silence. No one said a word. Finally I mustered up the courage and made a suggestion. There were a few who agreed but most said nothing. When we were asked if anyone else had any suggestions, again silence. Later on I was pulled aside by our teacher and told that there were many who felt like I pressured them into going with my suggestion and that no one really liked that idea so they were going to go with a theme picked by the teacher instead. They felt like I was being too “bossy”. I was hurt. I had in no way felt like I had pressured anyone into my idea. In fact I really didn’t care if they used it or not. It wouldn’t have hurt my feelings if someone would have spoke up and suggested something else and everyone agreed. What hurt was being told that my “bossiness” had “pressured” others. All I had done was speak up when no one else would. And in turn I was called bossy.

My three year old is bossy, like any toddler. But I see in her that decisiveness, that ability to make a decision when no one else is, that can-do/get-it-done attitude that I had and I realize, she’s going to be called bossy too someday. She’s not bossy! She’s decisive. And she comes by it honestly.

My grandmother was a deaconess and elder of the church. She was decisive in her actions, confident in her beliefs, and unwavering her decisions. None of which is something to be ashamed or shamed for…I am raising a strong, confident, kind, caring daughter and I know she will be called bossy at times. But I am teaching her how to be a boss, without being bossy. A strong leader is decisive in the midst of indecision. A strong leader is active in the midst of inaction. But that does not mean she has to “boss”. I think the line between boss and leader gets blurred at times. A good boss is a good leader. A good boss delegates, not demands. A good boss, instructs instead of “bossing”. What’s the difference between these words? The way they are said…That’s it.

It’s so easy as a Christian to get caught up with teaching our girls to be Proverbs 31 women and we forget that it’s equally important to teach them to be a Deborah too. (And no, I am not in any way diminishing Proverbs 31. I am teaching those truths to my child as well.) Deborah is probably one of the most fascinating characters in the Bible for me. Mostly because I feel like there is an amazing story behind how she came to be the only woman prophet of her time. If you’re not familiar with her story here is a little synopses.

Once again the Israelites find themselves in the midst of oppression due to their sins. For 20 years they have been under the oppression of Jabin. Enter Deborah. She becomes the judge of Israel. We are not told how this came, which is a bummer because I’m sure it’s an amazing story. As judge it was Deborah’s job to settle disputes, provide advice to the king or leader at that time and to provide military leadership. She called for a man named Barak and told him that God wanted him to take ten thousand men and go up against the army of Jabin and he would win. Barak agreed but on one condition, Deborah must go with him. She readily agreed but tells him that in doing so he is forfeiting his claim to fame.

“Certainly I will go with you,” said Deborah. “But because of the course you are taking, the honor will not be yours, for the Lord will deliver Sisera into the hands of a woman.” (Judges 4:9)

Barak didn’t argue and probably thought she meant herself. Long story short, they go up against the enemy. A flash flood made the ground so muddy that the enemies chariots were rendered useless and Barak’s men were able to cut them down effortlessly. The army leader, Sisera, flees and takes refuge in the tent of a woman named Jael. Jael agrees to hide him and offers him refreshment. Sisera falls asleep and while he sleeps Jael kills him. She is then credited with overcoming the enemy leader. “The Lord will deliver Sisera into the hands of a woman.”

We may not know how Deborah came to be judge but we do know:

1. She was the first and only female judge of Israel
2. She was married so most likely she still had wifely duties expected of her like any other woman of her time
3. She was obedient to God, meaning she was confident in her beliefs and decisive in her actions, because of this she was able to be a good “boss”.

So maybe the next time you find yourself about to call someone bossy you’ll ask yourself instead…What’s wrong with that? It’s not the bossiness that you’re objecting to, its the way you’re being bossed…Maybe instead of calling our child bossy we should teach her that it’s ok to have ideas but be kind in your instruction. Speak the truth in love…That’s what it means to be a boss. So yeah…I’m raising my daughter to be a boss. I’m raising her to use her god-given talents to be the leader that God intends her to be. And if that means she gets called bossy along the way, so be it. “She’s not bossy…She’s the boss.”